You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
