I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
