I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize