I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
