I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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