This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize