if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Sober January is a disaster.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
