After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
