dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
