omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize