I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I look better un-naked...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
