You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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