I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
