Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
