i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
