Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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