i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
