if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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