what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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