Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
