So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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