my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
