They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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