u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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