I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
