she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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