Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
