Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
