Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
