Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
