Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
being pregnant is like rehab
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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