Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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