I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
