Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
