all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
