this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
