I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
