Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
