Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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