Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
