He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize