Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
