I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
