Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
