There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wear drunk well.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
