Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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