I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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