All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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