just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
