Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
