Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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