so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
