cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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