So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
