I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Randomize