it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize