11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
