i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
