can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
