Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
