just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
