Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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