I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I need to stop coming to work sober
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Randomize
