I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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