why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
