cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
