he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
