I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
