its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
