i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize