Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
