By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
