Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
