Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I need water and some morals
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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