Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
