I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
