East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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