you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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