The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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