My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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