Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
