If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
