Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
