she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
