We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
