he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
