Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
