you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
