something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
