Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Ladies don't puke and tell
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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