Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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