Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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