I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
