u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
