I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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