Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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