There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
