So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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