remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
