Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
