i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
