she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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